I am now giving my blog the code name 'Rome'

Parking at the convention center: 12 bucks

Cheeseburger and fries inside the convention center: 10 bucks

Seeing hundreds of IT and CAD worker bees get giddy over software with cool code names like 'Athens': Pathetic.

What happened to fixing a product that is not working properly now? Why is it 'Oh well in Vista we have changed that, if you upgrade it will be more secure' or 'That has been spoken about at the Athens round table discussion we just had and that feature will work as planned if you upgrade" The worst part is tech people ohh and ahhh over the software because it's new and has a sweet name. All techs are guilty of wanting the latest and greatest but why bother if it makes your job even more complicated and/or difficult? If XP is running just fine why get Vista? If V8 XM is getting more stable and users are finally starting to embrace this why go to Athens? Who cares about Avalon and besides that name doesn't even sound that cool. Windows Longhorn? Sweet if you are a redneck or a 12 year old boy who makes junk jokes. IT worker bees should not be salivating at being sold on the next version. They should be fuming that they have to do another big upgrade just for software to be more stable, more secure, or just work as the software company said it would.

On another note, learning new ways to approach software and best practices are useful. So while there was a lot of brainwashed IT managers and CAD managers itching to drop another house payment on code named software at the BE conference in LA there was alot to get out of it.

You know your travel alot when....

You have a rolling travel bag that has spinners on it.

You turn your cell phone off before you pull out of your driveway out of habit.

The only mall you have time to check stuff out at is the Sky Mall Magzine while you are in the air.

While reading Sky Mall you think how cool it would be to have 95 dollar solar safari hat with a fan and an 800 dollar raft for the river.

When your significant other is running late you call them to ask what time they plan on departing and if there was going to be a delay due to the weather.

Your frequent flier miles become an extension of your penis, who needs a ferrari.

You call yourself a Greek shipping heir because you've been in a Hilton literally thousands of times.

You know all the Cranium questions.....not because you are smart per say but because god damn United has been playing the same tape since the last time you got on a flight.

For the same exact reason above you know exactly what suitcase to tell Howie Mendel's bald ass to open up to win a million bucks on deal or no deal.

Your idea of a fancy meal is Wolfgang Puck Express.

Those foam horse shoe things for your neck you use to laugh at old people for holding at the terminal don't look so stupid anymore now that you've gone to and from the eastcoast non-stop a few times.

You refer to bumps in the road as turbulence to your passenger.

Ulga the grumpy TSA guard at your local airport has become like a second mother to you.

You said 'Fuck Atkins' and decided to start your own diet of free soda and airline peanuts to lose weight.

You understood and laughed at half the lines above.

Email mistakes and how to avoid them

Email is an important staple of life in general, not just in the work place. This was a jack move from another site but I think it is pretty important. I thought most people figured that these were common sense. After asking a few co-workers before I posted this I guess some of them are and some of them are not. A few are for the small business owner crowd but there is good advice. Both to keep you from looking like an idiot to co-workers/customers or from limiting your spam (if you shop online alot) Either way it is a good read...
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1. Failing to follow e-mail etiquette

I believe in the old adage, "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar." There's no point in belaboring the etiquette issue. We all know we should be polite. But here are a few points to consider:

• Don't write when you're angry. Wait 24 hours. Calm down. Be reasonable. Have someone else edit your e-mail.

• Don't use sarcasm. You may think you're clever, but the recipient will be put off.

• DON'T USE ALL UPPERCASE! That's the e-mail equivalent of yelling. Your recipient won't be appreciative. Go easy on the exclamation marks, too. Overuse dulls their effectiveness.

• Use clear subject lines. That will help people decide whether to read the e-mail now or later. We're all busy. Your correspondent will appreciate your thoughtfulness.

• Keep it short. If your e-mail is more than two paragraphs, maybe you should use the telephone.

• Change the subject line if you change the topic of a thread.

• Unless the recipient has previously agreed, don't forward poems, jokes, virus warnings and other things. You're just wasting valuable time and bandwidth.

2. Thinking you are anonymous
If you are sending nasty missives, you might think no one will be able to figure out that the e-mail came from you. After all, you set up a phony Web address. Think again. E-mail contains invisible information about the sender.

That information is in the header. All major e-mail programs can display header information. Here's how:

• In Microsoft Outlook, double click the e-mail. Then click View > Options.

• In Microsoft Outlook Express, click the e-mail. Then click File > Properties and select the Details tab.

• In Eudora, double click the message. Then click the Blah Blah button.

• In Netscape, click the message to open it. Then click View > Message Source to display the header.

The sender's revealing information is in the sections that begin with "Received:." There may be several of these, depending on the number of computers the e-mail traversed. The originating computer is in the bottom "Received:."

That section will have an Internet Protocol (IP) number, such as 124.213.45.11. It can be traced on a number of Web sites. I use InterNIC (www.internic.net). The number is probably assigned to the sender's Internet service provider, rather than the sender. But the ISP will be able to identify the sender using that number. Remember the header if you're tempted to send an anonymous e-mail. You may be less anonymous than you think.

3. Sending e-mail to the wrong person
Today's e-mail programs want to make it easy to send e-mail. This means that when you start typing the address of a recipient to whom you have previously sent mail, the "To:" field may already be populated. Be careful. Always double-check the recipient is the intended one.

In addition, if you're writing something ugly about Joe Smith, you'll have Joe's name on your mind. Don't send it to him. I once knew an intern at a newspaper who did just that. He didn't like his supervisor and said so in graphic terms in an e-mail. Then he accidentally sent the e-mail to his supervisor. (The intern kept his position, but the atmosphere was cold, to say the least. And there was no job offer at summer's end.)

4. Using one e-mail address for everything
I have four different e-mail addresses: private, public, one I use for online mailing lists, and another for when I go shopping online. These addresses attract mail for those specific areas.

I can have as many as I want, because I host my own e-mail server. But if you are using an Internet service provider, you still can do this. Most providers will give you a half-dozen e-mail accounts. You can also use addresses on the Web for personal accounts. Both Hotmail and Yahoo! are good. You can reach those accounts from anywhere, assuming you have Web access.

5. Forgetting to check all of your e-mail accounts
Checking all these accounts can be a chore, especially from home. So I use ePrompter (www.eprompter.com), which can check 16 different password-protected accounts. Best of all, ePrompter is free. There are other programs that will do this for a fee, including Active Email Monitor (www.emailmon.com).

6. Clicking "Send" too fast
Reread every e-mail before you send it! I actually get e-mails from job applicants with misspellings and missing words. They all go to the same place: the garbage. This is a pet peeve. I'm not going to hire someone who is careless.

Even if you're not looking for a job, you want to be careful. People will judge you subconsciously on mistakes. No one is perfect. But you can catch 99% of these problems by rereading the text.

And don't depend on the spell-checker. It will catch misspellings. But if you use "four" instead of "for," or "your" for "you're," it won't tell you. It also is not likely to catch any missing words in a sentence that you inadvertently failed to include. So take a minute and reread your text. Don't look like an ignoramus.

7. Forgetting the attachment
This seems obvious, but I can't tell you how many times I've received an e-mail with a missing attachment. Since we all do it occasionally, it shouldn't be a huge deal.

However, if you consistently make this mistake, people (perhaps important people) may think you're losing your marbles. They might even hesitate to do business with you in the future. When you get ready to send your e-mail, think: "What am I forgetting?"

8. Using your ISP's domain and not your own
Make your company look big. If you use a Web account or an ISP's name for your business, you're not going to look professional. You can buy a domain name separately for $20-$30 per year from a company such as VeriSign (www.netsol.com), or as part of a package from a Web hosting and e-mail service such as that offered by Microsoft Small Business. Assuming someone else hasn't already grabbed it, you can have your company in the domain name.

Let's say you run The BoolaBoola Co. If you use an ISP's address, you would have something like JoeBoolaBoola@SomeISP.com. But if you buy your own domain name, it could be Joe@TheBoolaBoolaCo.com. That's much more likely to impress your customers.

E-mail is almost like talking. We use it so much that we don't really think about it. But there are rules and courtesies, just as there are with talking. And there are other considerations involved in communicating by written word only.

Giving them some additional thought could make your e-mail experience more satisfying and your recipients much happier.

Men being fashion idiots in the work place or a female journalist being an overcritical idiot? YOU decide!

Your fashion-sense or lack there-of could be offending the eyes of your colleagues and recklessly endangering your career!

Here are 10 of the most common fashion crimes along with tips on how to avoid them:

1. Backpacks. OK, maybe this is just a misdemeanor, but you're trying to climb the corporate ladder, not hike up a mountain.

Carry a briefcase or messenger bag -- and if you need something for your gym clothes -- invest in a nice-looking gym bag.

2. Clashing or too many colors. A coat of many colors may have worked for Joseph, but you, my friend, should limit each outfit to just three colors or shades.

Stick to complementary colors (those opposite from each other on the color wheel) or colors from the same pallet. Match pale clothes with light-colored shoes and dark clothes with dark shoes.

3. Stained clothes. Don't be that guy who's unwittingly walking around with red sauce on his shirt.

Make it part of your daily routine to inspect your clothes when you take them off and when they come out of the wash to make sure you don't miss a spot. Watch for yellow circles under the armpits, soiled collars or cuffs.

You may even want to keep a stain stick in your desk at work.

4. Ill-fitting pants. Even if you're sure of your size, always try on pants before buying them, because different brands have different lengths.

Jeans can be worn to the bottom of your heel, but your khakis or dress pants should end at the top of the heel. Make sure they don't reveal any sock as you walk-- or more than a couple of inches of sock when you sit. Too tight or too baggy won't cut it either.

5. Ponytails. You're neither a wizard nor a rock star. And even if you were, admit it, doesn't Michael Bolton look much better now that he's cut his hair? If you must keep your hair long, make sure it's neat and clean and doesn't fall past the base of your neck.

6. Novelty ties. It's okay to express your individuality through color or pattern. But stick with the classic width of about three-and-one-quarter inches and make sure the colors and patterns complement the shirt you are wearing. Not make people scratch their heads and say, huh?

And one more thing: When it comes to how a tie hangs, it should reach the top of your belt buckle and have a dimple in the center of the knot.

7. Too much cologne. If you must wear cologne, get a quality brand. And since the same cologne smells different on each person, make sure to test it out and get some opinions.

Beware of mixing too many smells at once. Remember, if you wear an anti-perspirant or aftershave, the scents can mingle for an unpleasant effect. And don't be too liberal in your application. The safest bet is to avoid wearing cologne all together and let the clean smell of soap do the talking

8. Funky facial hair. If you're going to do facial hair, do it right. Keep any mustache or beard trimmed. Don't wear a soul patch (that little rectangle of unshaven hair beneath your lower lip) or uni-brow (try waxing or laser hair removal). If you're prone to stray nose or ear hairs, please invest in a special trimmer.

9. Too much jewelry. A simple watch is all you need outside of a wedding band or class ring, if appropriate. Save the gold neck chains, bracelets, pinky rings and facial piercings for after hours.

And the most heinous crime of all:

10. Comb-overs. Draping or otherwise "arranging" those nine hairs on top of your head into an elaborate comb-over doesn't actually work for Donald Trump. He only gets away with it because he's the boss. If you are follicly-challenged, embrace it. Keep your hair cropped short, or shave it all a la Michael Jordan, Andre Agassi or Howie Mandel.

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Before someone gets offended and asks themself (Cuz no one leaves comments here but will email me or verbally tell me about an entry) "How does The Corporate Worker Bee know a woman wrote this".....I don't. Just call it a hunch. Most men I know in the work place cannot even remember what someone wore the day before let alone what their backpack means in moving up. Don't even get me started on "clashing colors" or too much going on the front of your tie. If this article doesn't scream female journalist it must scream queer eye for the straight guy corporate edition. If I had to vote between good information and pointless article? My personal vote goes to pointless write up, regardless of gender or sexual preference. This is just down right retarded. Yes, dressing the part makes you look more professional but if a company passes on promoting a hard working individual because they didn't realize you can't wear a dark blue shirt with black pants then maybe the person worrying about that needs to get fired. Or at least sent to the Style Network as a producer.

And if you think I made this list up the link is below...

Link to Story at CNN.com

In honor of the day known as 'Four Twenty'...an article about god's wonderful medicine

I personally don't celebrate this 'holiday' and I don't know many people out of high school who even get excited about it but hay whatever floats your boat. Do whatever makes you happy. Below is an article about a guy that some corporate stoner bees may envy a great deal.

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Most of us assume that anyone testing positive for marijuana would be instantly fired by his/her employer, but that is not the case for Irvin Rosenfeld of Florida. Not only is he allowed to smoke marijuana, but he is allowed to smoke while actually at his workplace.

Mr. Rosenfeld is a stock broker in Fort Lauderdale, Florida that has been granted permission by the U.S. government to use marijuana to treat a condition that causes benign bone tumors. According to Rosenfeld, age 54, marijuana is the only treatment for his condition that allows him pain relief from his condition.

The typical day in the life of Mr. Rosenfeld involves waking up and smoking a marijuana joint, going to his office at Newbridge Securities where he smokes another joint, and then gets down to the business of trading millions of dollars worth of securities. During the course of a typical day Mr. Rosenfeld manages to go through between 10 and 12 marijuana cigarettes. His job knows his needs, his clients know he uses it, and everyone seems to agree that he suffers no bad side effects to his performance.

As more and more states start to allow the use of medical marijuana the question of marijuana use in the office is going to start to come into play. Right now there are 12 states that have legalized the use of medical marijuana with New Mexico joining the list just this month.

Mr. Rosenfeld is definitely an exception to the rule at this point. Even in states where law makers have allowed the use of medical marijuana, companies are slow to embrace the use in the office. The overall impression that marijuana leads to lack of concentration and the inability to perform one's duties are the primary objections to allowing marijuana use to enter the workplace.

As we start to see more and more states allowing the use of medical marijuana, the debate over marijuana in the office place is definitely going to become more widespread. Perhaps Mr. Rosenfeld's success while self medicating will start to change some people's impression of the impact marijuana has on America's workforce.

Today is a twofer

Two posts for the price of one view!

This email was fwd to me by another super cool Corporate Worker Bee like myself...this is one data processor speaking to someone in marketing about how sweet it is to spend most of your time inside a 4x4 foot cubicle as someone who never gets the respect they deserve

>> VERY VERY old document processing worker bee 4/18/2007 2:34 PM >>>
Yer hired! As a Document Processor, you'll receive a reduction in pay, respect, and sanity. No longer will you have to suffer from the harsh glare from sun or witness stabbings in the Hyundai parking lot. You'll be transported from your run of the mill boxed in office to an open-air, team-building, ComfortSpot. Yes, your new ComfortSpot takes all the best aspects of the boring old office and adds the improvements to safety and comfort everybody is looking for. No longer will you fear permanent cornea damage from harsh sunlight, you can take comfort in your occular safety with our Gallant Grey SoftWalls. PLUS! Gallant Grey is safe for those who suffer from Melanophobia, Leukophobia, or Chromatophobia. And lest you feel it's too dull, every SoftWall has .00000000000000000000000000000000000000001% tint of a color of your choice!! Are you a bit clumsy? No problem! Never worry about giving yourself a concussion on you hard unyielding office walls...your ComfortSpot SoftWall is gently padded to avoid unsightly contusions. No place to hang your Scrapbook art or nephew's monocolored scribblings? Look no further than your SoftWall...all you need is Accessory CS-SW:PPGG, with these pushpins (in soothing Gallant Grey) you'll always have a spot to display these important documents.

Now on to shit-I-don't-want-to-work-cuz-it's-almost-breaktime-but-need-to-stay-at-my-desk- until-then-time-killer...below is a link to have Artie of Howard Stern Show/MadTV fame call a friend, co-worker, or family member up and say crude things you tell him to say to them. This "service" of course is to promote Howard TV's free preview (yet another time killer that will pop up here)

http://howardtv.varitalk.com/

Seeking energetic self motivated person to read blog

Venture over to Craigslist, go to the job section, and try clicking on some of the jobs they have listed... Orange County Residents click here

Go ahead I'll wait.......

How many times did you read some variation of the following?

"In this industry, you HAVE to be extremely self-motivated to succeed. If you are energetic, driven, and a self-motivated individual, then we are looking for you! "

Has anyone in the history of the United States of America been hired at a place that was not looking for a person who is self-motivated, driven, and energetic? Is everyone in this country energetic and driven? What happens to millions of workers in this country who are not happy with their job or career? Does working cause them to be the reverse of those requirements for EVERY job in America? Maybe there is a problem with the system and not the workers?! And honestly do you expect someone to be self motivated and driven if they work at Del Taco or Taco Bell? Agreeing to work at Taco Bell already means you are aiming just high enough not to land in the dirt but just low enough to still see the rats running around the carne asada stuffed grilled burritos.

If only people in hiring positions would explain how THEIR business makes employees want to work hard, try to move up, and be happy to go to work each day in these ads. I think they would get alot more bites.

Fuck-A-Round Friday The 13th

Today is known as a bad luck day right? Well in order to make sure you don't have an chance of putting yourself in a situation at work like slipping and falling in the break room or sending a company bashing email to everyone company wide....just fuck around all day. This is a super edition of Fuck-A-Round Friday!

Need a game to play?

Ditch Lumbergh the Game (Office Space game)


Ahhh this line never gets old.....



Youtube blocked? How about listening to the sweet sounds of Biggie and Frank Sinatra?

Ol Blue Eyes Meets BedStuy

Video: Best Of Kobe on Best Damn Sports Show

How does Elmer Fudd search the Internet?

No not "wery wery care-fuwry cuz he's surfin for wabbit"

This is how Elmer Fudd searches the Internet

Top 25 Engineer's Terms and Expressions (What they say versus what they mean)

A number of different approaches are being tried. (We are still guessing at this point.)

Close project coordination. (We sat down and had coffee together.)

An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach. (We just hired three punk kids out of school.)

Major technological breakthrough! (It works OK; but looks very hi-tech!)

Customer satisfaction is believed assured. (We are so far behind schedule, that the customer will take anything.)

Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive. (The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.)

Test results were extremely gratifying! (Unbelievable, it actually worked!)

The entire concept will have to be abandoned. (The only guy who understood the thing quit.)

It is in process. (It is so wrapped in red tape that the situation is completely hopeless.)

We will look into it. (Forget it! We have enough problems already.)

Please note and initial. (Let's spread the responsibility for this.)

Give us the benefit of your thinking. (We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we have already done or with what we are going to do.)

Give us your interpretation. (We can't wait to hear your bull.)

See me or let's discuss. (Come to my office, I've messed up again.)

All new. (Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.)

Rugged. (Don't plan to lift it without major equipment.)

Robust! (Rugged, but more so)

Light weight. (Slightly lighter than rugged)

Years of development. (One finally worked)

Energy saving. (Achieved when the power switch is off.)

No maintenance. (Impossible to fix)

Low maintenance. (Nearly impossible to fix)

Fax me the data. (I'm too lazy to write it down.)

We are following the standard! (That's the way we have always done it!)

I didn't get your e-mail. (I haven't checked my e-mail for days.)

Sopranos vs Entourage

Water cooler debate of Monday (at least if you are anywhere near your 20s-30s)...Sopranos vs Entourage. Both shows came back for their new season. Both on HBO. Both back to back on Sunday night. Both the only things worth watching Sunday night unless you had the urge to watch Banned From The Bible II on The History Channel.

Let's first start with The Sopranos....

The show is showing it's age much like it's main character. The show still wants to be young and hip like it was 3 or so years ago but it knows it is on its way out as the boss of the premier cable tv series. The show was somewhat insulated because it was a "boss" and now it knows it is on it's way out. The shot the show took in the stomach in the form of Johnny Cakes and not so gangsta plot lines last season really has done the boss in. Pretty much the show deserves to go to the retirement home after this season. The twists are not quite twists but slight bends. Like Tony, the show is getting beat up by a younger guy...except he is not a fat 40 year old italian but Vincent Chase.

On to Entourage....

While Sopranos was getting coverage everywhere else in the media HBO decided to toss a bunch of money into print ads, commercials with DirecTV, and at the Staples Center. Why? Because Entourage is LA. LA is Entourage. What better place then a Laker game defines celebrity downtime in LA? Not to mention one of the scenes in the first episode of season 4 is...yup court side at the Laker game for Vincent Chase' birthday and also a topic of debate between two agents battling for Mr. Chase. The show is everything the Sopranos is not...young, fresh, hilarious, better plot lines, in it's prime, positive, more realistic, and the main character actually challenges the 'bad guys' in Hollywood.

Not only did Tony get whooped by a rug and a fat italian guy who looks like baby huey, he got his ass whipped by a young upcomming actor in LA by the name of Vincent Chase.

Fuck-A-Round Friday! The Scam Baiter is like digital crack....

The Scam Baiter

This site was shown to me by another person on the Internet and I cannot stop reading it. The site is dedicated to not only trying to take down sites used to scam people but to screw the scammers over themselves. The scams they pull on these scammers is just too funny. Not only are the jokes/schemes hilarious but they are actually doing something very beneficial, which is fucking over people who try (and do) fuck others over. I even registered for their forums to read all the other things they've done to the scamming gangs. As if you sit in an office doing some bullshit job behind a computer all day to let some guy take ya cash on the Internet. The site is also excellent to help you spot tricks that they could use to try to screw someone you know over.

This is a special entry for Fuck-A-Round Friday as this will take a long time to read and you cannot stop once you start. Great time killer and a little humor should help lighten up the day.

Shout out to Anus Laptops (if you are confused go click on the link above) , that is what I should be doing this blog from. They are top of the line 'ladpots'!

God damn I love the 'Internets'.....

While looking up information about training workers I came across across a discussion paper done by a few intelligent bloaks.

Who Gains When Workers Train?

Why do I love the Internets? I kind of found this paper on accident searching for something else. All the links in that search sent me to a place to actually purchase the paper. After typing in the name of the paper in Google I was able to find it in PDF version for free. That is why I love the Internets, free information on any god damn random ass topic you chose to read about. This is a very very long read and I bet most people won't read the whole thing. Understandable, you have to actually work at least a few minutes right?

Office workers who want software they will never use....

To all 4 people who read this blog,

I will send a copy of the software of your choice if you leave a comment giving me a real answer as to why office workers want software they don't need. This seems to be common in the office where a person hears that Gerald The Engineer is using Microsoft Project (for example) and they want a copy too. When they receive the copy they start it up, say oohhhh and ahhhh, then never ever ever use it again. Just because someone has a CD or the installation files for software does not mean they can legally install it on any machine for the hell of it. That would be stealing.

Software is not free.....unless you reply in a comment as to why having software just to have makes sense!

Pandora Free Web Radio

May have already seen this but this is a really great site for free streaming music. If you are tired of what you have at your desk or if you are looking for new artists to listen to who may be similar to someone you type in.

Pandora Internet Radio

Where else would you type in Timbaland and get not only a Timbaland song but tracks from Black Moon, De La Soul, Sadat X, and Camp Lo? Have no idea who those people are? Go to PANDORA and type em in...

Oh ya if you can't stream at work don't blame me, go yell at your IT guy about how the Microsoft Office suite he installed three years ago caused your webpage (not your browser, it's funnier that way believe me) to stream it automatically. He will love it. Might even make his day. Tell him this blog told you that was the problem.